The divine relation between religion and shit

Taoism: Shit happens.
Hinduism: This shit happened before.
Confucianism: Confucius says: Shit happens.
Buddhism: It is only an illusion of shit happening.
Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?
Jehovah's Witnesses: Kmock, knock: Shit happens.
Atheism: There is no such thing as shit.
Agnosticism: Maybe shit happens, and maybe it doesn't.
Protestantism: Shit won't happen if I work harder.
Catholicism: If shit happens, I desrve it.
Judaism: Why does shit always happen to me?
Televangelism: Send money or shit will happen to you.