Chuck Norris facts...#3

----Chuck Norris gave birth to himself.
----Chuck Norris has already been to Mars, that's why there's no sign of life.
----Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
----Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
----Some magicians can walk on water; Chuck Norris can swim through land.
----Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
----Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
----Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as giraffes.
----There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
----When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he cheks his closet for Chuck Norris.
----When Chuck Norris is does a pushup, he isn't lifting his self up, he's pushing the Earth down.
----Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
----Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience.
----We all dream about perfection. Perfection dreams about Chuck Norris.
----Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wear Chuck Norris pajamas.
----Chuck Norris can run you over with a parked car.
----Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn. He just stands outside and dares it to grow.
----There is no list of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
----Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
----Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.
----They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem: It wouldn't take shit from anybody.
----Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
----Chuck Norris can punch a cyclops between the eye.
----Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
----Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
----Chuck Norris can divide zero.
----If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
----Chuck Norris doesn't need a tweeter. He's already following you.
----Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
----Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
----Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
----Chuck Norris built the hospital in which he was born.
----We live in an expanding universe, because all of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
---Chuck Norris never needs a flash light, he just stares into the darkness and it moves out of the way.
----Hitler didn't killed himself because he was loosing the war. He killed himself because Chuck Norris joined the army.
----Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
----Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
----Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
----Chuck Norris once stabbed a knife with a human being.
----Chuck Norris is so persuasive that he convinced a mirror he wasn't there.
----Chuck Norris can literally kill time.
----Chuck Norris wasn't born, he just got tired of wearing his mother.